As a substack writer, I also struggle with the white bull illusion of mastery. I frequently fear I am not good enough of a writer or academically learned enough to speak on certain topics. Many of my insights come from intuition, but I fear being judged so I don't speak about them or back it up with academic and religious sources when I find it.
Even in this very comment I am having doubts whether I should post this or not. Will I be misunderstood? I should post a reflection (probably).
Since childhood at school, we are thought to base our thoughts on established sources to avoid fake news. The "established sources" are mostly the consensus viewpoint. We are not taught to ponder "radical" viewpoints, because teachers can't teach something they don't know.
Even if they say "you are free to question", deep down, everyone knows profound questions aren't really welcome.
People have trouble in life because they don't know how to meditate. They don't know how to discern truth from lie without recurring to someone else. They don't know their innate gifts. They don't know thyself.
They blame their failures on society, politics, capitalism, their parents, their social class and basically anyone except themselves.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I recently had a conversation with a student on this very point.
Of course, established sources are important, too. But knowing which established sources are worthy of forming a foundation for one’s ideas is the trick.
That’s why questioning one’s self and interrogating one’s personal beliefs and internal narratives is important. Not simply as an act of endless navel gazing, but so that we can interact with others in a more meaningful way.
We live in such an ego-centered world that it’s extremely hard to not get pulled into proving our worth with our White Bulls. I often jump soul first into a creative pursuit, create fulfillment, then as time passes fear of being perceived by the crowd as not worthy creeps in as the ego takes over. Then this completely stunts my growth. Is this maybe something where the culture has shaped our subjectivity? It’s a real struggle.
I hear you! I think culture and language both play a role. There is something about the way the industrial revolution shaped the way we think about ourselves and work that shifted. It's most noticeable in conversation when you hear, "So, what do you do (for a living)?" and the reply comes back, "Oh, I am a student," or "I am an architect." See how the answer uses a noun as a complement for the subject rather than the gerund which would focus more on activity rather than identity (compare: "I am a student" vs. "I am studying in school.")
It feels more secure to say, "I am an artist," than it does to say, "I draw pictures," because the statement of identity comforts the ego. There seems to be value to being something (not simply human) and that's all backwards. There is so much tied up in this idea that this comment is threatening to spawn an essay, so I'll stop... but yeah. I hear you.
As a substack writer, I also struggle with the white bull illusion of mastery. I frequently fear I am not good enough of a writer or academically learned enough to speak on certain topics. Many of my insights come from intuition, but I fear being judged so I don't speak about them or back it up with academic and religious sources when I find it.
Even in this very comment I am having doubts whether I should post this or not. Will I be misunderstood? I should post a reflection (probably).
Since childhood at school, we are thought to base our thoughts on established sources to avoid fake news. The "established sources" are mostly the consensus viewpoint. We are not taught to ponder "radical" viewpoints, because teachers can't teach something they don't know.
Even if they say "you are free to question", deep down, everyone knows profound questions aren't really welcome.
People have trouble in life because they don't know how to meditate. They don't know how to discern truth from lie without recurring to someone else. They don't know their innate gifts. They don't know thyself.
They blame their failures on society, politics, capitalism, their parents, their social class and basically anyone except themselves.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I recently had a conversation with a student on this very point.
Of course, established sources are important, too. But knowing which established sources are worthy of forming a foundation for one’s ideas is the trick.
That’s why questioning one’s self and interrogating one’s personal beliefs and internal narratives is important. Not simply as an act of endless navel gazing, but so that we can interact with others in a more meaningful way.
I really like your work here and how you present it—especially the questions at the end.
I found a lot of inspiration myself from the minotaur and the maze in greek mythology.
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment.
I do a lot of work with the labyrinth for reflection and/meditation practice. It’s a remarkable tool.
We live in such an ego-centered world that it’s extremely hard to not get pulled into proving our worth with our White Bulls. I often jump soul first into a creative pursuit, create fulfillment, then as time passes fear of being perceived by the crowd as not worthy creeps in as the ego takes over. Then this completely stunts my growth. Is this maybe something where the culture has shaped our subjectivity? It’s a real struggle.
I hear you! I think culture and language both play a role. There is something about the way the industrial revolution shaped the way we think about ourselves and work that shifted. It's most noticeable in conversation when you hear, "So, what do you do (for a living)?" and the reply comes back, "Oh, I am a student," or "I am an architect." See how the answer uses a noun as a complement for the subject rather than the gerund which would focus more on activity rather than identity (compare: "I am a student" vs. "I am studying in school.")
It feels more secure to say, "I am an artist," than it does to say, "I draw pictures," because the statement of identity comforts the ego. There seems to be value to being something (not simply human) and that's all backwards. There is so much tied up in this idea that this comment is threatening to spawn an essay, so I'll stop... but yeah. I hear you.